There are few things as beautiful as the bond between grandparents and grandchildren.
In this modern world, it is sadly not always possible for grandparents and grandchildren to live near each other. The global economy means children are often having to move away from their parents for work or education. Some families end up living near one set of grandparents but not the other. Since children tend to live in the moment, the fear that they will not feel as connected to people they don’t see can often cause pain in the loving grandparent’s heart. How can a bond be formed even when you can’t see each other all the time? Whether your grandchildren are in another city or another country, here are some tips to build your bond from far away.
Phone calls
This may seem pretty self explanatory, but regular, frequent phone calls can be a simple but important way to get to know each other. If your child can spare the time to call you, even babbling to a newborn infant can familiarize them with your voice. Older grandchildren will love to tell you about their friends and celebrate their victories. Frequent phone calls can build a foundation so that when you meet your grandchild, you’re not just Papa’s Papa, you’re “Dada, the one we talk to several times a week on the phone!” These talks can be tagged onto the end of calls to your child and shouldn’t be forced if the child isn’t in the mood.
Video Calls
The tech savvy grandparent can talk on Skype, Messenger, FaceTime or even Whatsapp, which now has a video call feature. This is superior to phone calls as grandchildren can get used to your looks and you can enjoy their beautiful faces. You can show them your home and instead of just telling you about their latest school project they can show you! A tip however: it’s better to either do frequent but brief calls or rare but long calls so that you don’t have a child who is impatient to move onto the next thing in their day and sees talking to you as a chore.
Bedtime Stories
This is a great one for a gift! You can buy your grandhildren a book (or ask your child which books they own and find a copy) and take a video or recording of yourself reading it to them. Then they can sit down with the book and press play and you can read them their favorite story over and over again!
Repeat a Treat
Grandparents often love to spoil their grandchildren with sweets or namkeen. Discover something your grandchild loves, preferably something easy to make or cheap to buy, and then make sure you give it to them every time you see them. It can be especially nice to pick a treat that has a story to it, connecting them to you and the family. For example, “Did you know my grandmother taught me this recipe?” or “When I was a little girl I loved eating these!” Every time you get to see them in person share the treat. You can perhaps even send a package with the treat inside. Scientifically, engaging the taste buds can help reinforce memories and form sweet memories. You can be sure that for the rest of their lives whenever that grandchild tastes the treat they will think of you!
A Special Gift
Sometimes this happens by childhood magic; who can predict which toy a child will bond with? Sometimes this is achieved by your child letting you know which gift the grandchild is aching to receive. (Tip for international grandparents: most countries have an amazon marketplace and you can order on their country website and only have to pay domestic shipping for gifts. If they don’t have amazon, ask your child to recommend a good local website for buying toys or clothes.) This works best if your child is willing to associate you and the gift in conversation regularly. For example, “Aw, you’re playing with your teddy bear? You know who bought that? Naani!” or “We’re about to call Naani! Remember, Naani? ” This repetitious connection with something the child interacts with and plays with on a daily basis can create strong positive feelings.
Family Stories
Share them often! Stories are very impactful on the human soul, we remember things we learned from stories on a deeper level than anything we learn from a text book. Tell grandchildren stories from when their parent was a kid. Tell them stories of when you were a child. Tell them about your parents. Share funny stories and sad stories. This sense of roots, knowing they are part of a family that goes back in history, is good for children. This is especially important if they are being raised far from the family home in a foreign environment where they may not feel connected.
Tell them about your Hobbies
When you do get to visit, it’s wonderful to do your hobbies with your grandchildren. Do you like to cook? Bring them into the kitchen and give them recipes. Do you like to garden? Let them help you plant a plant in your garden or harvest herbs, vegetables and fruits with them. Watch a cricket game together. Paint their portrait! But these hobbies can be shared even if you’re far apart: talk to your grandchildren about gardening if they show interest maybe buy them some easy seeds or an herbal kitchen garden kit to try themselves. Gift them your favorite book and discuss it with them once they’ve read it. Ask them if they’ve seen the latest cricket match. Don’t be discouraged if they don’t enjoy the same hobbies as you, just the sharing your hobbies will mean they’ll grow up with fond memories.
Share Their Hobbies
Ask your child to record the grandchildren’s dance recitals or football matches, watch them, and then tell your grandchild, e.g. “That was an incredible goal you scored!” “I loved when you twirled, you’re so graceful!” Learn about the newest video games or any modern craze (YouTube will have a plethora of information.) And if you can sponsor or encourage their growth in areas of gifting, go for it. Cheer them on, get them lessons, buy them a flute or tablas. But even if you can’t afford to buy lessons appreciating their talent can go a long way.
Appreciate Them Openly
When your grandchild comes to visit (or sees your home in a video call) it will delight them to see their picture on your wall or their artwork displayed. Will you wear the necklace you gave them? Also let them know that you love to talk about them, “I was just telling Auntie how my grandson got a 90% on his exam!” “I always carry a photo of you in my wallet to share!” Let them know, without question, that you cherish them and the warmth that will be created will last a lifetime.
Remember, grandchildren naturally love their grandparents. So while these tips are given to help encourage the bond, do not stress! The fact that you care enough to read this most likely means you will find a way to make sure your grandchild feels your love even if they are on the other side of the world.
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