Spousal Caregiving can be challenging. The fear, anger and despair felt by the ill/disabled spouse can affect the caregiving spouse as well. Long-term caregiving sets up debilitating internal conflicts. As a caregiver you want to support and care for your partner. At the same time you may feel physically and emotionally exhausted. In some cases financial concerns also mount. But understanding these challenges and accepting these are normal feelings, will help come to terms with the long-term nature of your situation.
Emotional impacts of Spousal Caregiving
Acting as a caregiver for a loved one of any relation can be emotionally draining. Many seniors who are suffering from debilitating effects of ageing or disease, also suffer from depression. But research has shown that spousal caregivers are more likely to experience depression at an even higher rate than those for whom they care. This may be because of a wide variety of emotional struggles. Care recipients may no longer have the cognitive ability to relate to their spouse. This leaves spousal caregivers feeling as though they have lost the husband or wife they once knew so well. Many times, caregivers may feel as though they’re adjusting to taking care of an entirely different person. Diagnoses like dementia or Alzheimer’s can leave caregivers mourning the loss of their previous life with their spouse.
While caregivers may feel guilty for these emotions, they are completely normal. Not many like to express the changes and challenges in their marriage. But support groups of caregivers in similar situations may offer a chance to talk about your challenges with people in similar situations.
Physical challenges
Emotional strain can have an undeniable impact on physical well-being. Excess stress can lead to poor sleep, increased blood pressure, weight gain or loss, headaches or any other wealth of symptoms. Aside from physical conditions that negatively affect health, physical challenges may present themselves in other ways. For example, wives may have trouble physically helping their husband move around the home due to a sheer difference in weight and size. Husbands, on the other hand, may find that their own physical conditions make it difficult to help their wife with mobility. To help work around these physical challenges, it may be helpful to seek assistance from a home care agency, physically able friends and family, or assistive devices like motorized wheelchairs or walkers that can help reduce some of the physical strain.
Social Considerations
When a husband or wife begins to require care due to the effects of aging or a physical or mental impairment, the dynamics of a marriage will change significantly. Favourite pastimes such as travel or meeting friends for dinner may become more difficult. The caregiver may feel torn between old habits or modifying them to allow the care recipient spouse to comfortably participate. Aside from a change in social habits, some caregivers and their spouses may feel embarrassed to explain their situation to friends. People may find themselves feeling ashamed of how their marriage is changing. This can be a difficult adjustment. Depending on age and circumstance, caregivers may also find that some of their friends are not as understanding as they expected. Conversely, some groups of friends may be in a similar situation and willing to work together to find ways to maintain social connections.
No Guilt in Seeking Support
Spousal caregiving can be one of life’s great challenges. Adjusting to these changes in body and mind that can be frustrating for you both. However, with a good system of support in place and allowing yourself to experience the wide range of emotions that will inevitably surface, the process can also be rewarding as you endure and conquer a new chapter with the one you love. Support resources can be found in various forms, including family (adult children and siblings) and friends. Some of these may be in similar situations and able to better relate to your feelings. You could also seek support from less personal influences. Support groups of other spousal caregivers can be a place to find comfort and understanding. These groups can also give you inspiration and tips from others’ experiences.
When you need a break, spousal caregivers should consider seeking respite care from home care services, or adult day programs. Respite care can provide caregivers and their spouses time away from one another. This is just as important now as it was at any other time during the marriage.
To achieve balance, communicate more openly with your spouse and take steps needed to resolve the often difficult and painful issues in the marital relationship. Try to engage your spouse in ways that preserve activities that you both enjoy. You could also seek new ways to share time together.
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